Abandon all guilt, ye who enter here
Vic's Mix
by Vic Cunningham
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Mommy Wanted!
I don't know how many thousands of times I've read
this line in some people's posts, or something very
similar to that.
There are so many guys out there who post these kinds
of requests on the AB/DL sites that are out there. Or
those guys that see a female online and instantly
start making demands of her ( And, a complete stranger at
that!).
You see them everywhere and it does get old. The sad thing is, so many of those posting these requests really do wish to
connect with someone. But, they seem to lack the communication
skills, or understanding needed to find the common ground to
enable them to make contact with that special someone.
Instead of attracting people, it seems they alienate
themselves and it drives people away. That only makes them lonlier and the desperation they exhibit, only serves to exacerbate their problems.
To be honest, they deserve what they get.
I feel very sorry for the poor women who come to these
sites hoping to find someone who understands their
"diaper desires". Because, instead of finding someone
who understands, all they get are these guys hounding after
them to come change their dirty diapers. It really is
pathetic, pathetic and double wrong.
There seems to be a total lack of respect for others, here. Respect is something we need more of in this world. And, if you think about it, you'll see that you need it in your
everyday life, as well.
When you are talking to someone (whether it is on
line, or in person), you need to give them as much
respect as you would want them to give to you. It's
simple, and it just makes sense. You should always
treat others with common courtesy, unless you expect to
live the rest of your life totally alone.
It's difficult to get an accurate number of the
ratio of men to women who share diaper desires. But, I suspect the numbers are fairly even. However, because many of these
women are chased off by boorish boys who are too self-absorbed with their own dreams and desires, it's really hard to gauge.
I have some Baby Girl friends who I talk to, and
really they are not so different from us. Many of them
are looking for a Daddy, and others are just looking
for a Baby playmate. Understand that! Like us, they
have needs and desires too!!
There are precious few women out there who want to
be a Mommy. That's just a fact, Jack. A little
something for you to consider. So, if you are on a
site and you happen to talk to some Baby Girl, do the
right thing and treat her with respect. Go ahead and
talk with her, but DON"T MAKE DEMANDS OF HER!!
Remember that she's a Baby Girl. Just like you are a Baby
Boy. She doesn't want to change you! If she was a
Mommy, she'd let you know that she was a Mommy right from the git-go!
Also remember to treat her with the respect you'd want
to be treated with.
When you go to a site and talk with others treat them
as you would a good friend, as you would a member of
your family. It's all about playing nice and having
fun. We are a rather small community. There really
aren't that many of us. When people turn others off by
being rude and inconsiderate, it hurts our whole
community. And unfortunately, people remember. Sometimes, they forgive. Most times, they don't.
Can you recall how isolated and alone you felt because you
have these desires? And, how great it was to find out
that there were others like you around in the world?
Now, think of that door being slammed in your face
because of some thoughtless oaf who didn't care about
how badly their words or thoughts concerning their own desires hurt you!
Respect, my man. That's what it all boils down to. You gotta give it to get it. When you
don't have respect for others, then you don't even have
it for yourself. This goes for all of us on these
sites, male and female. Be considerate to others, and
they'll be considerate to you.
-Vic
Epiphany
"Do you wear diapers?"
The question was coming from a woman that was my best friend's ex, and a woman that I, (for reasons I won't go into here) did not care for, at all. I looked at her and in her eyes I knew that she already knew the answer to her question.
She had picked up my "shameful secret" from the rumor mill. Albeit, a rather old mill, at that. I'd been out of the closet for some time, as far as with the people I cared about went. And, I knew when I came out, that there wouldn't be anyone who would really want to get in my face about it. The general concensus being, that it's best to leave sleeping grizzlies lie.
But, I could tell she was looking to get some kind of rise or negative reaction out of me. So, I just looked her right in the eye and calmly said, "Yes, I do. Why?". Plain as day. Then she said the same thing most people do when they're called on the carpet. She backs down with a mealy mouthed, "Oh, no reason. It's just something I heard".
Now years back, that type of question would have meant her certain death, I was that touchy on the subject. Many of us are, perhaps not to the extreme that I was, but the mention of you wearing diapers from someone you don't know, or someone you don't care for could be a very big thing. Some of us would be crushed.
We have all felt a lot of guilt over the desire we have to be an AB, or being a DL. It's something that many of us have built in at a very young age. When you're a child learning to use the toilet if you had an accident the results were usually negative and the word "Shame" is often used. So from a very young age we are taught to repress these feelings we have for diapers.
Growing up isn't easy to begin with, but for those of us AB and DL alike, we've had to live a double life like some sort of secret agent ("The name's Bond, James Bond"). The problem with secrets (at least these secrets) is that they don't like being secret. They want to jump up and down and to be heard.
We learn from the schools, and our parents, from the television and movies, and from religion. We don't we see anybody like us, so we condemn ourselves for being "different". We are kind of a rare bird, in the scheme of things. So, if you go to a psychiatrist, or a priest, and it's something they can't fit into their "Normality" box, they normally inferr that there is something WRONG WITH YOU!
Now, back to the part where I stated some secrets have a want or a need to come out. (everybody's got at least one) I've felt, and a lot of AB/DL's I've talked to have felt, the urge to talk to others about wearing diapers. It is there, a desire to let the cat out of the bag, and at the same time your other side is telling you, " You must not wear or even think about diapers! At all. Period." But then to come to these message boards and diaper sites which only seek to validate this type of behavior. And, so it goes. Back and forth you have this struggle inside. To some, it's just not "normal". So they try to shun or deny it, because they've been taught it is "deviant" behavior. To others, it is "sinful". I mean, after all, it must be wrong if everyone else doesn't do it, right? So, to save yourself from guilt and condemnation, you try your best to conform. There is this epic battle in our minds between right and wrong. But really, all we are is different. Like a lot of people.
What is right? What is wrong? Who's to judge? I found out finally, after struggling for lo the many years I've fought this battle, that I was the judge of that. And sadly, truthfully, had been for quite some time. A rather nasty judge, I might add, as I'd been raking myself over the coals for a long, long time. I whipped myself with guilt and then I rubbed shame into every open cut, I binged, I purged. Finally, one day the thought came to me, "I'm an AB, and that's the truth. There ain't a thing I can do to change that." I found out that being an AB was okay. As a matter of fact, it didn't really matter to others if I was an AB or not, because I'm an okay guy.
Now, that's oversimplifying things, sure, but that's about how it happened. From the very first moment when I admitted to myself that I was an AB, knew I had been one all my life, and would be one until the day I die. So, I may as well accept me for who I am. And isn't that the way it is for everyone? It's alright to accept ourselves as who and what we are. You can, we can, if we want to. Are we such horrible creatures that we can't find a way to forgive ourselves for being who we are? Coming to chatrooms and forums with others who like to wear diapers shows us too, that there are those just like us and that we're not so different after all. Nor are we that different from other groups of people once polarized from "decent" society. A gay man doesn't have a clue as to the why he's gay, he just is. And it's much the same with us. I was abused growing up, but another guy was born in a very nurtuing family, and still another was born with the proverbial silver spoon up his butt and was raised by a very caring nanny. We simply have this unique sexuality or lifestyle or core being. Whether it's nature or nurture, who's to say? We simply are who we are.
For many of us, it's an intrinsic part of us. it is WHO WE ARE. For others, it's just a "fetish" and something that adds to their overall enjoyment of life. (An interesting poll possibility arises here: How many of you DL's out there are tired of, or have a growing resentment at your being lumped in with AB's by those "Professionals" in the mental health community or by society's view of ABs from what they get off T.V.?). Different is what we are. Some AB's would say they were born to be AB. And some DL's would say that it's something that develops in you. Some would offer it's a little bit of both. Enlightenment (i.e. "I yam what I yam"), perhaps a no brainer for some, for me was a moment of supreme thought. My ultimate truth. "I wear diapers, so the fuck what??" "Who gives a rat's ass?" "What does it really matter, you know, in terms of the Big Picture?"
I came to accept myself as I am. I came to realize that I was a good person. The fact that I wore diapers didn't change that. It didn't even mean all that much. I gave myself permission to be alive, to be happy, and to not worry about what ANYBODY else thought, 'cause I was okay.
If you find yourself in this rut of condemning yourself for being different, you need to realize that you can let go of the guilt and shame. You can be happy if you can accept yourself for being who you are. When you find yourself telling yourself, "This is absolutely THE last time!", also ask yourself, "Am I telling myself the truth, or deep down do I know I'm going to be here again?". If you are true to yourself, and allow yourself to love the you that YOU truly are, I guarantee you'll be happier.
I know I am.
Vic
